When Your Spouse Isn’t So Supportive

Mar 20, 2023

 We all need supporters on our health and fitness journey. And while some are lucky enough to have a supportive partner at home, that’s a fantasy for others.

So, what do you do when your spouse doesn’t encourage your efforts to live a healthier life and develop better habits around eating and exercise?

Sometimes it’s even worse than indifference, with a partner seeming to work against you. And, if you’re in that situation or fear you might be, please know that I am so sorry. No one should have to do this alone.

The good news is, you’re NOT alone! I’m here to help you, and so are countless other people. Some you know already, and some you haven’t met yet. But believe me, the world is rooting for you. 

Here are my tips to stay motivated even when your partner is letting you down. (I’m using the male pronouns here just for simplicity!)

  1. Be clear about what you’re doing, why it’s important to you, and how he can help. Do you need an occasional word of encouragement? Do you need for the kids picked to be picked up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? He might think you need a workout partner, vegan chef, and 24/7 cheerleader, but support is much more simple than that. 
  2. If you can’t get even basic support, then you’re better off accepting him for who and where he is. Complaining and cajoling won’t help. Neither will playing the victim, so don’t.
  3. You do you. It’s OK to have your own priorities and pursue them, even if someone else feels inconvenienced or neglected. Remember, you can’t control how someone else feels. (It might help to share what’s coming up so he can know what to expect.)
  4. Seek support and encouragement elsewhere. Find a workout buddy or a colleague who’s willing to go for walks together on your lunch hour. Join small group training, where everyone looks out for each other. Hire a trainer if you can.
  5. Write in your journal. It could be a mix of basic reporting on your progress and emotions, or just one facet of it all. That’s YOUR record. It can also be YOUR resource.
  6. Set boundaries and stick to them. If he brings you a bowl of ice cream in the evening, politely remind him you’re not doing that right now. (And let him dive into his own dessert without any guilt.)
  7. Include him in something new that you can share together. Sometimes a partner might feel left out when we take on new habits or focus on things that don’t interest them.
  8. Finally, remember that you’re seeking support, not permission. 

Your journey is your own. And, really, that can be SO EMPOWERING! Go for it!

I've had very unsupportive partners in the past, and some indifferent to my healthy habits. I thought this would be a lovely opportunity to introduce you to my wonderful and most supportive partner ever...Mike...we met on NYE and I have never been happier! 


Andrea x

PS. My 12 week Nutrition/Mindset/Movement Program is designed to help women over 35 end the cycle of dieting, using a simple science-backed approach to losing weight and keeping it off, so they can fit back into their clothes, feel great and thrive with energy and body confidence. Book a Discovery call with me here: https://www.andrearobertson.health/12WeekProgram